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Saturday, March 22, 2008
My Kaleidoscope of Feelings/ 9:00 PM Ben and jerrys is the best medicine to a really sucky day. Well i wont really get into the day coz i'm still kinda pissed(ben and jerrys can only do soo soo much) but just gonna type down my thoughts and feelings. Today was a kaleidoscope of feelings. Let me just break it down for ya. In the early morning, it was like a train wreck. In other words, CHAOS. Just these mixture of feelings. There was anger, pissy-off-ness, impatience and loads more. But then nearing 10 am or so, my feelings kinda mellowed down and it was all drive and determination all the way. At noon, i was hungy and well we went to eat duh. Calm and peacefulness was all i felt then. Nothing panicky or nervous just very relaxing. Then there was feelings of "yucks!" coz i had to take my medicine. And i choked on the third pill.(ooopsie, i'm sorry i hate swallowing pills) Then there was a feeling of "i'm gonna die!" and finally i came through and it was all gonna be fine as the pill went down. But after the pill went down, i felt "EEEWWW!!!" coz the taste was still there and it SUCKED!! After, the adranaline started to pump its way into my head and i was hypied out! And then there was the feeling of "ahhh, we're finally gonna do this" All the was in the bus trip, i felt calm and honestly, i was picturing what i'm gonna do to my hair and what i'm gonna wear for farewell party. (to take my mind off the comp) hehehe.... Then at the waiting hall, boredom crept into my mind and started telling stupid and retarded jokes. Made the rest laugh so mission accomplish! Dissapoinment came when they announced that the comp will be postponed to like 4:15 pm or something. Nevermind, everything is going to be okay. More boredom and sleepiness. At 4:15pm they announced that they will wait till 5:30 pm latest for the weather to let up. Impatience and pissy-off-ness swept throught me. Then came the Shock! at seeing a freak lighning. (damn it was freaking scary okay) After it was just restlessness and piss-off-ness at the anouncement that they might resume to tomorrow which was sunday(WTF!?!?!?) but then it was going to be postponed to neaxt saturday(affing lar!!) I just felt anger and sadness at the same time so i was kinda weird. Throughout the briefing, i was on the verge of tears coz i wanted to show them all of them that we can do it but whatever. Found my control, and no tears spilled. The bus journey was a blur. I kept slipping in and out of conciousness. just felt numb all the way home. Finally at home, everything spilled, no more reserved control but just raw me. Everything that i held back just burst to get out and i had one nice,long, overdued crying spell. When it was all over, i napped for an hour. I feel soo emotionally drained right now. I dont think i could be bothered with feeling. i feel nothing. After the whole day and all the feelings bombarding me, i no longer have the energy to feel. (now i know how emo ppl feel!!) Anyhow, with a tub of ben and jerrys and a meal from macs, i'm on my way to recovery!! on the road to mending is not a pretty sight. Thank god no one is seeing me like this. pphheeeww! Labels: campcraft, competition, emotionally unstable, shitty day |
